Exciting New Apple Pencil Now Has A Pair Of Wire Cutters Built Into It

CUPERTINO, CA — In a move sure to leave competitors baffled, Apple has announced the latest version of its popular Apple Pencil stylus for iPads, now equipped with a pair of wire cutters built right into the side.

"The Apple Pencil Pro not only gives you the sleek, smooth writing experience you've come to love, but it also includes the worry-free convenience of quick wire cutting at your fingertips," boasts Apple's website.

"Now you'll always have handy wire cutters close by while you scroll through Facebook or tweet your latest existential crisis over Apple’s product release schedule."

It's never been easier to have immediate wire-cutting relief as you vent your frustrations at the infrequency of new Apple products, all while wielding the seventh best iPad accessory. The Apple Pencil Pro promises to keep wire-cutting performance right in your hands, so you can cut through those pesky wires and your tech-related woes simultaneously.

Reports indicate that the new Apple Pencil Pro will feature Apple's innovative Ultra Click Plug Connector technology, designed to bypass any planned wire-cutter security flaws and maximize cutting capability. Because, let’s be real, who doesn’t want to cut loose at a moment’s notice?

"With the Apple Pencil Pro, it’s always right where you need it most... once I manage to locate my wife’s secret stash of Apple Pencil chargers," said one enthusiastic customer, clearly relishing the idea of snipping wires at will.

At publishing time, Apple had already teased the release of the new Apple Pencil Ultra Pro, which will reportedly come with a built-in detonator feature. Because why not take your creative destruction to the next level?