NIMBYs Sue Verizon As City Now Permanently Shows Headphone Icon

DOWNERS GROVE, IL — As construction ramps up on a new Verizon building, a local NIMBY group has filed a lawsuit in federal court, claiming that the development has cursed Downers Grove with a permanent iPhone headphone icon on all computer screens.

"Your fancy new Verizon building has turned us into 'Do Not Disturb' land, or something like that. I don’t really know how to work these things! You know what I mean?" lamented Cindy Hazel, a self-proclaimed ringleader of the outraged residents.

According to the NIMBYs, photon interference from the numerous new cell towers has caused phones to be stuck in silent mode, which they believe demonstrates their remarkably inflated perception of the neighborhood's average IQ.

"Enough with all these buildings and people! You're turning my horse pastures into hotels! My wife and I are sailing our lawyerboat out of this town for good!" fumed local resident Buck McStable, whose understanding of zoning laws appears as shaky as his grasp on reality.

At publishing time, several cell phones in the metro Dallas suburbs displayed icons of smartphone cameras with big red lines through them, indicating that not only were they silent— they were also firmly out of the picture.