Putin Arrested After Attempt to Delete Hunter Biden's Laptop Files from Air-Gapped Computer

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking turn of events, Russian President Vladimir Putin has found himself in FBI custody after allegedly trying to sneakily delete files from Hunter Biden's infamous laptop, despite the device being air-gapped with an ultranet encryption key firewall.

"The evidence was plain as day," said FBI Director Christopher Wray as agents escorted a bewildered Putin in handcuffs out of the building. "He brazenly launched a cyber-attack attempting to hack my laptop using a highly sophisticated series of encrypted digitized code permutations that originated from Hunter's laptop. It's truly an indisputable fact, even by Russian standards!"

With the FBI now in possession of a file from Hunter's laptop that inexplicably proves Russia's attempt to, well, delete more files, President Biden wasted no time in greenlighting Putin's arrest.

"Let me just say, the FBI has once again shown respect and dignity to no one other than the sovereign United States of America," President Biden declared in a somewhat shaky press conference. "My team deserves all the glory for capturing Mr. Russia before he could erase any incriminating evidence of his laptop heist. This is a big win!"

At publishing time, the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, Department of Justice, and even the Supreme Court had collectively decided on a new President of Russia — President Hillary Rodham Clinton, setting the stage for a truly unprecedented alliance that would leave even the internet speechless.