Man Unleashes Years of Pent-Up Frustration on Latest Legend of Zelda Release

HICKSVILLE, OH — Excitement soared Thursday afternoon as local resident Ben Kirks finally had the chance to vent years of pent-up frustration at Nintendo's notoriously challenging Legend of Zelda series.

Sources reveal that Kirks had invested countless hours into the Zelda games throughout the years, yet he had never managed to progress past the first dungeon in any of them. With Nintendo's latest title, The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom, ready to play, Kirks left work early, fired up his Nintendo Switch, and released years of frustration while navigating the game’s helpful item hinting and map markers— which he promptly turned off.

"What the heck, man? You can only carry one boomerang? It's a freaking boomerang! How hard could it be to catch it and throw it again? What a colossal waste of time!" Kirks shouted at the screen, visibly agitated. "And why does the game take away my sword and all my keys after I finish a dungeon? I've just gone through the hassle of collecting them! It’s not like I’m planning to lend them to anyone else! Idiot!"

At publishing time, Kirks was once again enjoying his work downtime, blissfully unaware that his boss was also preoccupied with a different Zelda game.