Disguised Canvassers Successfully Convince Californians To Vote For A Republican By Pretending He Was A Communist

CORONADO, CA — Troubling allegations emerged from the family of a Republican California congressional candidate after disgruntled Democrat voters encountered a covert operation involving secret Republican canvassers going door-to-door, disguising the candidate as a communist — and somehow convincing people to vote for him.

"We do not wish to be represented by a Republican of any kind!" proclaimed bewildered San Diego County resident Harvey Earls. "Who were these deceitful canvassers who tricked me into thinking he was a communist?!"

Video footage of several canvassers showed them promising voters a buffet of communist goodies: free everything, universal curfews, and even vegan pet food initiatives — because nothing says ‘worker's paradise’ quite like your cat dining on kale.

“When this video surfaced, we thought this candidate had zero chances of winning,” admitted DNC Treasurer Georgia Lambert. “But apparently, his name was on the communist ballot after all! Who knew?”

At publishing time, Judge Tanya S. Chutkan had introduced a motion in several California district courts to ban canvassers from promising communism to unsuspecting Democrat voters. She was quoted saying, "It’s like taking candy from a baby — only instead of candy, it's their dignity!"