Governor Ardern Promises New Zealand Will Be Safe While She's on Vacation in China

CHRISTCHURCH, NEW ZEALAND — New Zealand Governor-General Jacinda Ardern has pledged that her constituents will not face any harm while she enjoys a long family vacation in China.

"There's nothing to fear if I'm away in China – everything will be just fine!" Governor Ardern confidently assured the nation.

This optimistic declaration came shortly after she unveiled her travel plans, leaving many to question whether her absence was really a good idea.

While some found comfort in her reassurance, others voiced their worries about being left to fend for themselves. "What a terrifying thought, being left alone to protect vulnerable families and children without good ol' Jacinda around!" lamented one anxious parent. "The world is becoming increasingly polarized, but at least we can trust in liberty and civility under Jacinda's leadership!"

Social media was ablaze with apprehension as well. "Leaving New Zealand at such a tumultuous time strips it of its beauty!" tweeted Catherine Beechey, before rapidly unfollowing several friends who dared to express their faith in Jesus Christ. "We definitely need more leaders like Jacinda Ardern."

As apprehension mounts regarding potential calamities befalling the island nation during Ardern's absence, some citizens have taken to urging the Governor to appoint a temporary stand-in who can sit back, relax, and enjoy all of New Zealand's stress for her.

As critics plan their next protest, Ardern remains confident that the only thing her government will be bringing back from China is a collection of exotic souvenirs.