Culture Club Announces Firing Of Drummer After Discovering He Had Turned 45

LONDON — Iconic British music group Culture Club has announced drummer Jon Moss has been fired from the band after it was recently discovered he has aged into a fireable 45 years old.

"Our band is known for youthful passion and exuberance, therefore we've long held a policy of firing anyone who turns 45 — a policy now over 40 years old," said lead singer Boy George. "We thank Jon for his contributions over the years, but it doesn't please George to announce your services are no longer needed."

"You've ... you'll, have to go."

The firing marks a sad day for longtime fans of the band, who found themselves wistfully thinking of how much older they have grown since seeing Culture Club on MTV almost two years ago. "It's hard to believe that time would fly by so quickly — I'm 36 now and they've probably already had to replaced George a couple times by now," said one long-time 12-month fan. "It's hard to believe Jon managed to hang on as long as he did. He's had a good run."

At publishing time, Culture Club had announced the teenage Earl "Lil Earl" Smith had just joined the band as its new drummer in anticipation of Smith's 13th birthday next March.