Ferrari Announces Ambitious Goal to Become Country Club Inside a Car by 2030

MARANELLO, ITALY — Iconic luxury carmaker Ferrari announced its most ambitious goal ever today: to transform from a high-performance automobile into a full-blown country club inside a car by 2030.

"Since our creation in 1939, Ferrari has been on a journey of innovation and environmental protection, but starting eight years from now, we will be all about golf... and I mean really golfing. Imagine a car that not only drives you to the course but also offers a built-in wine cooler so you can keep your Buffalo Trace bourbon chilled by the pool," said Chairman of Ferrari N.V. John Elkann, while adjusting his brown penny loafer and attempting to regain his composure. "It’s a bold endeavor — reaching the ripe old age of 90 while seamlessly transforming your Ferrari into a comfy, life-changing country club experience on wheels."

"By 2030, the world won’t judge a Ferrari by its horsepower or its sleek design, but by how many extra features it offers to elevate your game on the back nine. This includes everything from automated caddy services to heated seats designed for post-golf relaxation," noted Director of Wheel Replacement Options Ben Quain. "And we’re proud to be the world’s first automaker committed to caring about the fossil-fueled homes where our cars cozy up. Yes, golf is going green — not just the grass we stride over, but the sustainable kind of green. Just say we're going home!"

In addition to providing elite transportation to the country club, the Ferrari Country Club model promises high-tech amenities including exaggerated sound systems that immerse you in your favorite tunes, all while you enjoy a four-day work week thanks to priorities set on leisure and relaxation.

At publishing time, staff began painting a mural to memorialize the aspiration of making country club visits quick and effortless, even if it takes an eternity to find a parking spot.