New AI System Unveiled That Floods The Internet With Nonprofit-Approved Opinions Only

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google has unveiled a groundbreaking product to combat misinformation and inappropriate viewpoints that are poisoning the internet — a revolutionary AI algorithm designed to scrub the web of all opinions not sanctioned by their favorite nonprofits.

"We believe in giving preferential treatment to select points of view while making all other perspectives nearly invisible," said a company representative. "We strongly support freedom of speech, as long as it aligns with the correct type of speech pre-approved by us."

According to sources, the new AI algorithm will ensure users can only uncover opinions that are meticulously curated by well-paid Google truth arbiters, who dictate what is real and noteworthy.

The new product promises to deliver supportive content about topics such as the joys of safe pregnancies in children, the surprising appeal of Satanist politicians, the health benefits of running directly in front of traffic, and the physical prowess of women.

At publishing time, Google assured users that searches for terms like "abundance of illegal border crossings" and "dangers of the mRNA vaccine" will present zero results — that is, unless they receive approval first.