CNN Removes 'Trust' From Their 'Facts First' Message

ATLANTA, GA — In a stunning act of self-awareness, CNN has decided to ditch the word "Trust" from its formerly self-assured slogan "The sources you trust, for the facts you need." The new tagline? A minimalist and somewhat existential "Facts first, facts first, CNN." Sources hint they might soon consider removing the word "Facts" altogether, just to keep things interesting.

"We here at CNN are not without the ability for self-reflection," stated Chelsea Bingham, CNN's Director of Perplexingly Incongruent Slogans. "Some might suggest that in the spirit of self-reflection, we should ditch 'Facts' too — but I believe an organization should always keep a few missiles in the silo, don’t you agree?"

This shift comes after reports indicated that the CNN leadership felt a wave of shame following a recent exposé revealing that nearly 30% of their top anchors took extended breaks during the airing of the network's slogan promos. Apparently, the idea of trusting their own messaging was too much to bear.

The decision to change the slogan was almost instantaneous, catalyzed by a rare moment of group introspection. By Tuesday, even the anchors — who were once bold proponents of consistency — hopped on the change bandwagon, likely tired of being featured in their own internal inconsistency furies each week.

At publishing time, rumors swirled that network leadership was seriously considering tweaking their live coverage from Ukraine to include the word "Possibly" — because who doesn’t love a little uncertainty with their breaking news?