Considering Impeachment Came Twice, Mayorkas Wisely Installed Electric Doorknob In His Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The unprecedented action of impeaching Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas has consequences for everyone involved. When considering the impeachment might happen twice, Mayorkas wisely installed an electric doorknob in his office.

"America faces a lot of threats," Mayorkas said as he gave a tour of his office. "Terrorism, drug smuggling, natural disasters, and now, apparently, the whims of the United States Congress. That's why I took steps to protect myself from, say, overzealous politicians who might want to bother me while I'm working on more important things."

Witnesses report Mayorkas flicked the light switch off just before Speaker of the House Mike Johnson opened the door to discuss the latest contrived crisis at the border. Upon grabbing the new electrically charged doorknob, Johnson received a blast of 10,000 volts before being ejected into a marble statue of Gerald Ford. Speaker pro tempore Patty Murray, who was also present, declared the doorknob to be impeachable before taking Johnson to the hospital.

At publishing time, the electric doorknob had been impeached by the U.S. House of Representatives and was set to be acquitted by the U.S. Senate, despite shocking several senators when they refused to properly use the intercom.