Atheist Coworker Claims He's Not Religious, But Apparently Eats All His Meals on Holy Plates

CHAMPAIGN, IL — A co-worker known for his firm stance on atheism was recently spotted indulging in lunch on one of those classic Wal-Mart Holy Plates that every mom in America seemed to have at some point.

Witnesses who preferred to remain anonymous reported that Trevor Bingleson's chickpea salad was served on a traditional Holy Plate™, raising eyebrows and questions about his supposed lack of faith. "He claims he doesn't believe in God," remarked co-worker Heather Lynd, incredulously. "But his wife confirmed that every time he eats, he uses one of those Blue Butterfly plates, which everyone knows are practically imbued with divine protection. What a hypocrite!"

Criticism of Trevor has been widespread among friends, with one recalling that during a pickup basketball game, he proclaimed, "It doesn’t matter if I hurt myself because I carry a Holy Plate in my bag." This braggadocio has led many to question his integrity, with some labeling him a disingenuous liar.

In a bizarre twist to the story, as this article went to press, Trevor returned a library book overdue and boasted that he could take it whenever he wanted since his family owns a Holy Plate. Because, clearly, nothing says 'divine favor' like a plate from Wal-Mart!