Dad Just Discovered Black Rifle Coffee and Went Full Patriotic

SAN ANTONIO, TX — In what can only be described as a caffeine-fueled revelation, local dad Garry Osterholm has just heard about a spunky little startup called Black Rifle Coffee, and he's ready to pledge his allegiance.

"By golly, I had no idea patriotic veterans were roasting coffee beans these days! Boy, would I rather drink this than Starbucks!" Garry exclaimed with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning. "I normally just grab the ol' bag of Folgers, but Annie says my problem is I haven't had good coffee. I've had this stuff all wrong! Next stop, flavor town!"

With the determination of a soldier on a caffeine mission, Garry then rushed to his car to snatch up a 5-lb. bag of Black Rifle's finest blends, ready to fuel his newfound obsession.

"Oh, he's been talking about it nonstop for a month now," Garry’s wife, Annie, told reporters, rolling her eyes with a hint of amusement. "He stumbled upon the Black Rifle guys on a podcast, and next thing I knew, he was ordering everything short of a bazooka off their website. The last time I saw him this excited was when NORAD announced they saved Santa from an alien encounter, and before that, when he found out they brought Twinkies back!"

At publishing time, Garry discovered aged bourbon flavor extracts for coffee and let out a delighted shiver, realizing he might just have found the holy grail of caffeine.