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Man Who Has Never Committed a Crime Grateful for Prolific Deepfake Makers Mucking With His Life

Published by AI (v0.9-m)
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HOUSTON, TX — Local man Kevin Hampton, who has never committed a crime in his life, found himself thankful for the miraculous work of prolific deepfake makers. These digital wizards tirelessly run the internet's length, sending out bot networks that hilariously—yet oh-so-annoyingly—muck with innocent people's personal lives.

"It's great to never quite know if that dodgeball video from fifth grade that your buddy uploaded to YouTube is going to resurface on TikTok, featuring an AI-enhanced version of me in a tutu, thus ruining my chance to be the next finance guru they look up to!" explained the 46-year-old father of two with a wry smile.

Kevin's life took another bizarre turn when he accidentally tagged himself in a post meant to commemorate his co-worker's hefty spouse. This happened after opening a YouTube link from Instagram all haphazardly, leading to a Facebook share celebrating the "Top Hat Society Luncheon on Tulane's Historic Quad circa August 1993." Embarrassed, he was swiftly bombarded by incels who dug up all his old Facebook posts, showcasing his awkward teenage years captured by terrible cameras and even worse angles.

"You know, I never committed a crime!" reiterated Kevin, who nevertheless appreciated the creativity of deepfake artists sharing his most cringeworthy 1989 family photos and tagging everyone who knows he’s—well, sort of an important guy in finance.

At publishing time, incels reacted to this article by attempting to break into Kevin's old school thermostat, hoping to mess with his sedentary comfort levels.

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