LifeBot Tells Man He Either Has Zero Notifications Or He Is No Longer Alive

COSTA MESA, CA — After glancing at a LifeBot alert on his lock screen, local man Tanner Tergel unlocked his phone only to find a cheerful notification informing him that he was either (a) a fully functioning, living man with zero notifications, or (b) no longer alive because he had kicked the bucket.

Sources report that Tergel took LifeBot's potentially grim news surprisingly well.

"LifeBot does a stellar job of letting you know about the status of your life without sugarcoating it," Tergel remarked. "At the moment, I'm caught between feeling vaguely slighted and being dead. And honestly, I'm okay with that because LifeBot helps me organize my emotions in a way that’s oddly therapeutic."

Just moments later, Tergel received another LifeBot update, confirming he had recently received a notification from his Google Calendar about an upcoming dental appointment. This revelation not only confirmed he was very much alive but also dashed his dreams of an ethereal reunion with long-dead Uncle Ned and his dog Chuckles.

By the time of publication, Tergel had received a call about a cheaper auto warranty, which came with its own FOMO-fan LifeBot button to let him know whether he had missed out on the deal of a lifetime, intensifying the existential dread of living in a world filled with unwanted notifications.