I Doubt That Laptop Will Fit In One Of Those 1 Litre Bags People

NETHERLANDS — Tensions began to build up at Schiphol Airport's international terminal Thursday, as security initiated a frustrating new policy requiring laptop users to place their laptops and other electronic devices in one of those tiny 1-litre liquid bags.

"Ugh, damn, I'm just not gonna get this laptop to fit, sorry," passenger Ivan Davis told security personnel as he held a large Ziploc bag containing his 13-inch MacBook Pro with M2 Pro chip and thick rubber bumpers. "I don't know who thought up this dumb policy, but I'd rather take my chances applying for a visa to go to Canada than try this again."

Sources confirmed security personnel at Schiphol Airport have been plagued with how to securely search laptops without the assistance of a high-end 3D scanner. After careful deliberation, they came up with the new policy, ordering all travelers taking a laptop aboard a flight to enclose MacBook Pros and Surfaces in the same clear bag containing a 1-litre plastic bottle of shampoo, travelers' hair gels, or other liquids.

"I'll never understand how these guys make these policy decisions without considering how people like us actually have to implement them," said beleaguered security employee Johan Van Wyngarden. "On my break, I'm going to get the rubber mallet out of my car and see if I can make this fit."

At publishing time, security was about to enforce another security policy that would require anyone driving a vehicle into the parking garage to place their entire car in a 6" x 12" x 12" bag.