Scientists Detect French-Speaking Mosquitoes in Bastia

BASTIA, FRANCE — In a shocking discovery that could bug you more than a summer night, scientists have revealed that certain mosquitoes may not only be communicating with each other but are doing so in French. Yes, you read that right!

“Researchers have long believed mosquito communication was possible, but our findings suggest these pests have picked up a human language,” said lead scientist Jacques Anquetil. "We’ve identified a particular strain from southern France that seems incredibly rude. They don’t just bite for survival; they bite for sport, and they make sure to yell 'Ooh la la!' while doing it!"

Anquetil believes this behavior stems from a lineage of 19th-century mosquitoes that immigrated from France. "It seems they returned from a chilly exile with a flair for French prose and an attitude that suggests they’re far too cultured for your average backyard BBQ. In fact, they have an ancestral tradition of being, shall we say, 'bitingly’ mean."

In an even more startling development, researchers announced they’ve traced some of these mosquitoes' relatives to Cincinnati, where they were described as “total jerks” with a penchant for disruption.

At press time, scientists were still deciphering the full extent of mosquito dialogue but suspected a lot of it revolves around complaining about the weather and critiquing local cuisine.