Florida Man Refuses Hurricane Evacuation After Being Unimpressed By Instagram Address Labels

RUSKIN, FL — Mere moments away from an encroaching Category 4 hurricane, local man Zachary McIntosh told friends he would not be evacuating his home because he found the Instagram address labels utterly unimpressive.

"Dear God, that kerning is the most grotesque thing I've ever seen!" McIntosh cried out as ominous clouds swirled overhead. "Do they even understand leading and tracking? It's like they chose a clunky, serif font just to spite me!"

McIntosh is among several residents to receive last-minute evacuation instructions from the Federation of Aesthetic Sense—Don't Be a Dingus (FASDBD, pronounced locally as "Fasda Bidu"), a group of design aficionados dedicated to maintaining high artistic standards in a chaotic world.

"It's not that we don't take hurricanes seriously," said group designer Iris Zvolanek. "But poor aesthetics during a crisis? Unacceptable! We’re trying to cultivate beauty, even while Mother Nature throws a tantrum. And who cares if the average human eye can't detect the subtleties of kerning in a crisis?"

At publishing time, an irate crowd had gathered, shoving Zvolanek into harsh, unforgiving fluorescent light, contemplating whether they should evacuate or just critique the emergency signage.