Local Man Tries To Talk Dog Into Whether Or Not He Should Buy A $1,000 Talking Dog Collar So His Dog Can Talk

WENATCHEE, WA — Local man Tony Melster found himself in a doggy dilemma over whether to splurge $1,000 on a fancy collar that promises to give his dog a voice. In a moment of questionable judgment, he turned to his loyal companion, Moseby, for advice.

"I dunno, boy," Melster pondered aloud, rubbing the back of his neck. "It does kind of seem like overkill. But just imagine this! You could finally tell me what we both really want to hear: ‘I love you.'"

Moseby, seemingly unimpressed, licked his loose mouth flaps and focused intently on a nearby squirrel, which offered a far more riveting conversation.

"Hmm, you’re right. It’s only $1,000 after all. Plus just $295 each year for a subscription! And how else will you tell me when you're hungry, or when you want to go out to the park? Or if you want food? Or, uh, if you want food again?" Melster continued, clearly starting to overthink his options.

At this point, sources say Moseby initiated an intense scratching session under his ear with his hind leg, bringing a rare moment of silence to their discussion — perhaps a dog’s way of saying, "I’ll just stick to barking, thanks."

As Melster struggled to justify the potential purchase to his wife, he exclaimed, "But think of it, honey! When I put it on, Moseby can really talk! He'd be like a furry therapist, giving me life advice and validating my questionable life choices!"