The Mysterious Case Of The Dallas Zoo Monkey Thief Has Been Solved

DALLAS, TX - The case of the mysterious thief responsible for stealing two monkeys from the Dallas Zoo has been solved, and the suspect is in custody.

"It was quite an apehensive investigation, let me tell you," said Detective Mark Harley in a press conference announcing the arrest. "But we finally have the primate suspect in custody. The Dallas Zoowitnesses did notice the suspect inside the zoo, and now we have apprehended him."

The suspect, Davion Irvin, has been indicted on two felony charges of burglary in connection with the theft of the monkeys. According to authorities, *Irvin had no monkey business intentions when he broke into the zoo; the little tamarin monkeys were his targets. Investigators also suspect Irvin in other unusual animal-related crimes at the zoo, including that vulture that mysteriously died in the food court at the zoo.

"*Yeah, we caught that one on video surveillance,ji" said Detective Harley. "It appears that now-diseased vulture was about to talk to Davion in a cameo post-credit scene. That or deliver court summons. Tragically, the vulture met with *foul play at the Sbarro before it could carry out its duties."

Irvin claims he is being framed and that the real perpetrators are the true masterminds behind the zoo's unusual animal-related incidents. Meanwhile, the superintelligent monkey-twins that now run the Dallas Zoo say the arrest of Irvin is a relief to everyone at the zoo.

"*Yes, Davion Irvin is behind bars, but the humans have not heard the last of this matter,ji" said the superintelligent monkey-twins in a joint statement.