Al Gore Revealed To Be One Of First Amazon Employees

CELEBRATION, MD — According to sources, Earth's most prominent climate guru and former Vice President Al Gore is actually one of the very first employees of Amazon.

"It feels good to finally let the truth out," said Gore. "Thousands of skeptics doubted my global-warming predictions but what they didn't know is... I invented Amazon."

Gore's temperature predictions came under fire recently after the global climate left did what they always do: made dire predictions and then waited for the exact moment when everyone will forget them to announce they've been fulfilled. Sources who work with Gore say he has a calendar filled with "reminders" for when events he said would happen "in ten years" actually occur.

Once global corporate titans like Amazon saw how receptive the world still was to his phony apocalypse predictions, they approached Gore and asked if he could use his power to cook up a reason to expand online shopping since it would be the main reason city-stuck consumers wouldn't be able to attend the frenzy of mini-horse racing events that was sure to result from his predictions of rising sea levels engulfing cities and islands worldwide proving once and for all that his was the voice of truth and reason in these trying times. Gore quickly agreed and a few months later an Amazon announcement came out of the blue.

"I remember the day like it was yesterday," said a current worker at Gore's plant in Maryland that Khalid Kamal, son of that hotdog guy down at the gravel parking lot behind Becky's Tires, actually applied online to be their first delivery driver. "Al was pacing around in the back office doing some serious thinking. I'll never forget it. When he came up with the idea for Amazon, he kept yelling, Can you guys believe it? I'm going to be filthy stinking rich! So... Thanks, Amazon."

At publishing time, Gore had announced plans to bake a potato and wait for it to cool down, eating it in 15 or 20 minutes.