New Amazon 'Alexa Chip' Aims To Boost Baby Intelligence

SEATTLE, WA — Major tech giant Amazon has announced the upcoming release of a revolutionary new product: a special "chip" designed to be implanted in babies' heads to boost their intelligence during the crucial early stages of life.

The innovative device, dubbed the "Intelli-llect Alexa Chip," is being aggressively marketed to parents eager for their little ones to dazzle the world with their brilliance.

"Amazon continues to revolutionize life as we know it," said Amazon CEO Andy Jassy. "The Intelli-llect Alexa Chip is another leap forward in our mission to enhance the lives of as many people as possible, including those who are still mastering the art of potty training. What better gift for your child than the chance to grow up in a world where learning is as easy as a voice command?"

Despite the promise of the technology, skepticism looms large among parents nationwide. "This sounds great and all," said apprehensive mom Jenna Kinney, "but I'm not really comfortable with anyone sticking anything in my baby's head. I get a little freaked out when they bump their heads on the table while crawling. I’m still on the fence about this one."

The Intelli-llect Alexa Chip boasts artificial intelligence powered by the most advanced digital system available. Marketed as a "learning partner," it aims to interact with a child's brain from day one. Armed with soft-spoken reminders whispered directly into the baby's ear, the chip claims to guarantee that every baby will grow up to be a prodigious genius.

At publishing time, Amazon scientists were holding a press conference to clarify that the new technology would exclusively enhance intelligence. They dismissed previous reports of chip-implanted babies staging hostile takeovers of cities and states—saying those were mere "bugs" that would be fixed in the final release. After all, what could go wrong with a little brain augmentation, right?