Biden Looks To Stabilize Middle East By Sending Its Dads To Region

WASHINGTON, DC - After seeing reports of escalating violence and increasing tension in the Middle East, President Joe Biden announced his plan to stabilize the region by dispatching several U.S. dads to the area.

According to sources, Secretary of State Antony Blinken, who was watching a baseball game and working in the yard when Biden called, has been asked to tour the Middle East and help everyone calm down. Before leaving, President Biden reportedly gave Blinken a list of things to say while he met with leaders from both sides and also placed a hand on his shoulder and said, 'Thanks, Tony. I mean it. We need a guy like you over there. Those fellas will listen once they see how serious you are about this mess. Now, do you have clean underwear on? You never know when you might get in a car wreck or something.'

At publishing time, reports indicated that in addition to asking Blinken to go, Biden had also located Israel and Palestine on a map and noticed that someone had left the light on in the bathroom near the Dead Sea.