‘Death Star’ Building Operation Cancelled After Random Star System Scan Reveals Wookiee Homeworld

CORUSCANT — After a random star system scan revealed that Kashyyyk, the home of the Wookiees, is still populated, Emperor Palpatine has abruptly canceled the construction of the Death Star.

"What's that I sense? A powerful Wookiee presence. Never mind," mused the Emperor, shortly after personally issuing the scan command. "Abort operation, please. Thank you."

Following this revelation, the Emperor retreated to his other office for a calming session of coloring.

"The Death Star was rumored to be at least a year away from completion, yet the Emperor insisted on checking a random star system for Wookiees," reported an anonymous insider. "He despises Wookiees with a passion. I’m fairly certain there’s a scandalous core dump of information in our databases that would provide damning evidence of how far he’s willing to go to erase any trace of them from the galaxy. But I digress. As the Emperor stated, he picked a star system completely at random. Kashyyyk was just an unfortunate coincidence. Thank the Force— that planet gives him nightmares. Anyway, enjoy your day!"

Construction of the Death Star, which had been sporadically underway between 2015 and 2018, was put on hold indefinitely in favor of the new Star Wars films featuring Rey, Finn, and Poe. Entertainment analysts have suggested that phasing Wookiees out of the Star Wars universe allows Lucasfilm to concentrate on stories that will appeal to a broader audience.

At publishing time, in a surprising twist of fate for both the Emperor and the Death Star initiative, a request had been sent from Hayden Christensen to delete all Wookiee files present in the database.