Dad Yells for Kids to Come to Backdoor and Open It, Hold It

THE UNITED STATES — Tracy Bullman, a devoted mother of at least five homeschooled children, heard a desperate yell from the backyard and rushed downstairs to find her husband, Daniel, calling for the kids to come open the back door and hold it while he carried in a questionable mountain of heavy toys.

"I can't open the door because I'm holding a ton of stuff! Come and open it and hold it!" shouted Mr. Bullman, struggling with an armful of a play slide, a tricycle, and various other backyard contraptions, before spotting his lovely wife approaching. "Oh, Tracy! Please, come help me!"

As Mr. Bullman stood there, moaning under the weight of his toys, Tracy couldn't help but feel the unique challenge of being both a mom and a dad.

"He's so strong!" exclaimed Mrs. Bullman, as the kids ran up to heroically hold the door. "I can’t imagine the struggle he's enduring. He really needs that door open!"

At publishing time, sources confirmed that officials at MIT had enlisted scientists for a groundbreaking study to unravel the great mystery of why, in the name of all that is holy, Dad insists on bringing in every last plaything from the backyard when Tracy assured him it would be just fine out there all night. But let’s be honest, were they ever really going to find the answer?