New Polls Show Joe Biden Sinking After The Lost Command Of Donald Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The rock-solid control President Joe Biden had on the United States electorate prior to the voting season has taken a clear hit with the entrance of Donald J. Trump into a new round of presidential polls, sources confirmed.

There are several factors in play, but the most prevalent issue facing Biden appears to be Trump's luminary status of having saved the nation from itself.

"I don't care if you're an independent, a Democrat, or whatever I am, a thing," said Jeremy Matthews as he was grilling brats in the backyard. "We were chugging along with President Biden steering us into the country's Green New Deal future, and next thing you know gas is $6 a gallon, we're at war with three new countries, and Kamala Harris is putting out feelers for national gun buyback programs. Then, of course, it's time for my wife to run the vacuum so our whole subdivision loses power for six hours. And now people are mad at President Biden? It's all very suspicious. And coincidental. And sexist. Definitely sexist. And whatever the word is for climate-changey people."

While early, the entrance of Trump into the race has clearly upset the previously rosy view many Americans had of President Biden. Reports are the same brats-manning Jeremy Matthews was leaning toward calling for the 25th Amendment in light of the country's new economic, military, and general non-goodish crises, a move supported by Harris as long as she could be president.

Further, eyewitnesses confirmed the grocery store, where everything is now made of recycled paper and/or kale, had removed all copies of the new polls and replaced them with copies of *People *magazine and a concerning number of Mein Kampf.

At publishing time, a subsequent poll showed Americans firmly back in support of President Biden after he promised to cure inflation by adding more money and assured everyone the nation was totally winning the new war against Central American terrorists despite D.C. no longer having any electricity or functioning toilets.