TikTok Parent Company Launches New AI Designed To Annoy Congress

BEIJING — ByteDance, the Chinese company that created TikTok, has announced a new AI tool intended to annoy the U.S. Congress.

Gauthmath, an AI-powered app designed to help students complete math homework, has triggered unwanted attention from Congress, leading many to believe this was ByteDance's devious intent all along. "We are happy to announce Gauthmath to assist students all over the world in succeeding at math," said the company CEO, rubbing his hands and grinning maniacally. "Yes, students are benefiting greatly from this tool, but the important thing is that it's angering politicians in the United States. Muahahaha!"

Members of Congress pointed to the increased suspicion of TikTok as motivation for launching the new AI. "It's quite clear they wanted to provoke us by creating another app we don't understand in any way," said Senator Lindsey Graham. "Never mind that it's still legal to end the life of an innocent unborn baby in this country — we've got to do something about this app that helps kids learn math!"

Users of the app have been growing, further convincing Congress that such growth must be stopped.

"At this rate, if we don't put an end to Gauthmath, an entire generation of kids may grow up knowing how to do math," said Senator John Thune. "That would be devastating. We have no choice but to act."

At publishing time, ByteDance was working on another new AI called SaveThe1Life-19, which would put an end to abortion and further infuriate Congress.