Local Man Stares At Ethereum Chart, Weighs Love-Hate Relationship With the SEC

MINOT, ND — Local man Matthew Linkstead reportedly found himself in a deep existential crisis as he tried to decide whether he loved or hated the SEC while staring at his Ethereum chart.

The internal turmoil ignited when Matthew discovered that a federal court ruled Ethereum, which he had invested in years ago to the tune of 5 ETH, was not classified as a security under the SEC's jurisdiction. Unfortunately, the ruling left all other crypto assets out in the cold.

"I mean, usually they're the bad guys, right?" Matthew mused, glancing back and forth between the chart and the court's decision. "But Ethereum’s on this wild ride up after tanking for years—I might actually see my investment recover, possibly even with profits. I guess that’s a plus for the SEC?"

Matthew recounted how he bought the Ethereum when it plummeted to $120 after initially breaking out from nearly $400 highs. He had branded the SEC as the enemy of all crypto after his gains evaporated amid whispers of regulation. "Honestly, my only positive feelings about the SEC come from them leaving Ethereum alone for now," he conceded. "But I still can't forgive them for wrecking my Dogecoin last year. They’re still targeting good, honest, liberty-loving Americans like Ripple, just easing off on Ethereum for the moment. I suppose I don’t mind the fallout from that right now."

As the article went to press, Matthew was left scratching his head over an SEC ruling on Peanut Butter Coin, raising questions about what twists and turns his investments might face next.