Yikes: Democratic Socialist Remembers the Glory Days of the Russia-Ukraine Conflict

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ahead of her reelection campaign, notable democratic socialist and climate change expert Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is drawing inspiration from the tumultuous days of the 2022 Russia-Ukraine conflict to bolster her platform.

As a standard-bearer for leftist American values, Ocasio-Cortez hailed the war as a shining example of socialist ethics in action, a brave stance for a modern politician.

In front of reporters from the warmongering drone giant Amazon and its parent company The Washington Post, as well as the opinions section of the Times, the congresswoman recounted her recent adventure through war-torn Ukraine during Delve Ukraine's inaugural tour of the Spring War II—a hefty $67,480 per seat, four-day expedition across the human remains beneath the ruins of downtown Lugansk.

"What those brave souls did to that Russian tank while interrupted mid-CPR on their Ukrainian medic was absolutely legendary!" she declared, prompting applause from the gathered crowd.

When pressed about her ancestry, the congresswoman proudly remarked that she is one-eighth Ukrainian, casually gesturing to her fur scarf for emphasis.

At publishing time, Ocasio-Cortez was awarded an A+ pride score by the Human Rights Campaign for unfollowing Mark Cuban on Twitter, further solidifying her commitment to progressive principles.