Democrat Outraged That Data Centers Are Drowning His Latte Dreams

SANTA CLARA, CA — Artificial intelligence is projected to become a trillion-dollar industry within five years, but some are expressing outrage over reports that the AI data centers powering this technology are guzzling trillions of gallons of water, heating local rivers, and burning vast amounts of fossil fuels in their sprawling training facilities—some exceeding 25,000 square feet.

One man, in particular, has reached his boiling point.

"This stops today. No joke," declared Democrat Les Gallagher, as he sipped the latte that helps him cope with his reproductive hormone inhibitor regimen. "AI data centers must stop consuming all the water I need for my drink of choice!"

Data centers are estimated to consume nearly 750 billion liters of water; AI data centers can use up to five times that amount. New reports indicate that for every page of text generated by AI, a staggering 500 milliliters of water is wasted.

"I've seen the reports, and none of this water is making its way into my coffee grounds or oat milk," lamented Mr. Gallagher, finishing his latte and rolling up his sleeves as he marched into Starbucks for a complimentary refill.

At publishing time, Mr. Gallagher had requested that the Starbucks barista use his refill cup for a larger-sized latte, raising environmental concerns one caffeine fix at a time.