Mike Pence Formerly Running for President Now Running from Laura Loomer

U.S. — After FBI information leaked to the press this week revealing that former Vice President Mike Pence was okay with the idea of arresting President Donald Trump, America's most wanted woman Laura Loomer immediately booked a ticket to a rally. Upon hearing the news, Pence quickly canceled his campaign, ducked behind his wife, and sprinted out of the Florida venue.

Pence had just enough time to attend a few events before Loomer caught up to him at a state fair. "I'm excited to visit the fair's booths," Loomer posted on her X feed. "I'll be at the Mike Pence booth, then the Trudgeons Meats booth, before heading over to the True Social booth." With Mike Pence now on the run, Donald Trump became the only GOP presidential candidate likely to survive until Super Tuesday.

A national net psychic estimated Loomer's power level to be around "Loomer 9" on a scale of Loomers.

At publishing time, Mike Pence's campaign had issued a statement saying that had he not relocated so quickly, he might have shown up at the booth in "the wrong skin color."