Six Airlines File For Bankruptcy While Pete Buttigieg Files For Maternity Leave

U.S. — In a shocking turn of events, six airlines have filed for bankruptcy just as Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg announced new rules requiring enhanced accommodations for airline passengers. Coincidentally, Buttigieg has also decided to file for maternity leave—though no one is quite sure how that works when you don't have any children.

Executives at the struggling airlines, set to go belly-up under the weight of new regulations and their own financial mismanagement, expressed their frustration. “This Buttigieg guy is the worst,” complained an anonymous industry executive. “First, he needs to be booted off this assignment; then, we should probably banish him to the depths of his man cave. I mean, let’s kick him out of everything under his man cave too! Look, with the regulations piling up and rising water in the Coral, it’s like he’s running a circus instead of a transportation system! And don’t get me started on how Trump managed to make flying fun again. America's laughing, and it's not at our jokes.”

Gone are the days when airlines operated freely under the Trump Administration, where the only concern was meeting customer needs. Buttigieg’s tenure has led to a major shakeup, resulting in airlines not just closing their doors but also swallowing the last remnants of joy in air travel.

Adding to the chaos, U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) is reportedly denying visas to foreign workers trying to find their way into the industry—an interesting twist in this modern-day underground railroad of regulations.

At publishing time, Secretary Buttigieg had submitted for an extended maternity leave but was told it might not be necessary. After all, the airline industry may not survive long enough for him to enjoy any actual maternity benefits, even if something is left unfinished.