Pavel Durov Grows Six-Inch Beard While Awaiting Trial

PARIS — Telegram founder and CEO Pavel Durov has grown a six-inch-long beard, say courtroom eyewitnesses, as the billionaire enters the fourth month of his trial for allegedly allowing French citizens to violate hate speech laws by sharing offensive memes.

Though Durov has a full-time team of ten devoted solely to trimming his beard, which reaches his chest, his face is still almost totally obscured by the black hair. By piercing his lips and nostrils with wooden spiles, the ostentatious tree tapers have successfully filled a small cask of maple syrup.

Critics of the clean-shaven Durov now say they can't remember why they were so critical of him and look forward to tasting his sweet, sweet sap.

At publishing time, Durov's legal team had successfully convinced the French court to allow for fitted tubing and a bottle, provided the taproots did not interfere with the proceedings.