Media Develops Sixth Sense For Detecting Politicization Of DOJ

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Reporters across the nation have developed a brand new sixth sense that allows them to detect whether or not the Department of Justice is being politicized. This new sense already has a name: "Politicdar."

"With this amazing new power, we can tell if the DOJ is being politicized, or if it's just following the law without any bias," said CNN reporter Morgan Rimmer, who was the first to discover she had Politicdar after bumping into Senators Mark Warner and Jeanne Shaheen in the Capitol Building. "All the other senses are great, but this one is the coolest."

The development of this sense is a modern marvel. Scientists say the organ that allows reporters to sense politicization is located somewhere near their journalistic integrity, and while it's not clear how the sense actually works, its presence allows reporters to easily discern that the DOJ under President Biden is not politicized, while the same department under President Trump was more corrupt than the Mos Eisley Spaceport in Star Wars and that thing where they hide the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. The sense even works when the White House tells,"The President didn't use a sonic screwdriver to assassinate those 15 world leaders," as the press still knows exactly what to report.

At publishing time, witness reported seeing Politico journalist Rachael Bade blindfolded amidst a murmuring crowd of voices as she announced, *"I see DOJ politicization in all timelines, and none of them line up with how you're reporting this factually."

It is unlikely that whoever made the claim against the DOJ faces any consequences as the country has largely grown to accept the fact that the DOJ is never politicized by CNN or Politico.