Biden Explains Classified Documents Only Secure If Wrapped In Old Folks Smell
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Joe Biden is under fire for reportedly mishandling classified documents. In his defense, Biden stated, "That stuff wasn't in a shredder or wrapped in the delicious candies Grandmama always has in her purse." The President claims he was never made aware the documents needed to be protected.
Special Counsel Robert Hur's office released a scathing report accusing Biden of exposing top-secret U.S. plans because the papers were not secured and were not even hidden inside a copy of TV Guide or Readers Digest. "I've been in politics for eleventy-seven years," Biden stated in a response to the allegations. "Everyone knows in the summer these documents need to be protected by either hanging them off an old man's eyeglasses or being mixed in with butterscotch candies in a bowl." The White House has launched an investigation to determine why no one ever informed the President of the United States about these special safeguarding procedures.
At publishing time, the U.S. was in further jeopardy as President Biden had lost the nation's nuclear launch codes after placing them inside a used tissue and accidentally throwing them in the wash.
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