Tech CEO Deploys Military Technology to Track Employees Working From Home

BAY AREA, CA — As employees firmly maintain their work-from-home positions, one tech CEO has resorted to an extreme measure: military-grade technology designed to pinpoint the exact location of every remote worker.

Equator CEO Will Daubigan installed the tracking equipment at his desk over the weekend, enabling him to monitor the whereabouts of all 457 employees, including those enjoying their living room couches instead of company chairs.

"I should have embraced military technology ages ago to tackle this work-from-home dilemma," Daubigan exclaimed. "This is truly innovation at its finest!"

"These rentoids have become way too comfortable," Daubigan lamented to reporters. "Once this technology is fully operational, I’ll be sending smoke signals: the lunch ride is over!" He then turned back to his radar screen, now awash with a flurry of blips and dots indicating the movements of his employees across the Bay Area.

At publishing time, Daubigan had reportedly used the same technology to discover that one employee had a habit of making midday runs for UberEats deliveries, blissfully unaware that lunch breaks could soon become a thing of the past.