90-Year-Old Man Still Unable To Secure Excelsior License Plate

SANTA MONICA, CA — Reports indicate that long-time Marvel Comics writer Stan Lee is still facing hurdles at the California DMV in his quest to acquire an "Excelsior" license plate.

"Come on! I've been trying to get this for years!" exclaimed Lee, visibly frustrated. "Excelsior is my thing! It's my word! Can’t you just check your system and see that no one else in the history of the universe has ever bought an Excelsior plate? Just give me the plate I requested, jerk!"

The DMV employee, however, was taken aback. He claimed the word "Excelsior" stirred some vague childhood memory, but he just couldn’t place it. This confusion has contributed to Lee's plate predicament. "You folks just don’t understand my amazing comic book life!" Lee lamented in desperation. "Just look it up, sheesh!"

Witnesses in the DMV lobby reported that the employee demanded proof that Lee had indeed invented Excelsior—something most fans and comic book historians consider common knowledge. "We don’t have an Excelsior document," the DMV worker stated flatly. "This is just another excuse not to give elderly people the plates they want. Next!"

Lee’s comic book origins have since been verified to the DMV’s satisfaction, yet he remains exasperated by the bureaucratic loopholes preventing him from obtaining his desired plate. "Well, no Excelsior plate for you," the DMV worker announced, "but I can offer you something equally special: a plate that says 'The Amazing' or 'The Invincible.'"

"I wanted a license plate, not a turn-back-the-clock lottery ticket! Stupid DMV!" Lee shouted as he stormed out of the office.

At publishing time, Lee was making his way to the post office to register his next title, "The Amazing Mail," for the January 1980 issue.