Experts Who Said AI Is Uncontrollable Now Want It To Be Their Personal Assistant

U.S. — After spending years warning us that AI is a ticking time bomb poised to wipe out humanity, top experts are now confidently advising that the solution is simple: just make AI do what we want it to do instead of what we don’t.

"I know we’ve screamed from the rooftops about AI being uncontrollable and potentially leading to our doom, but trust us, all we need to do is program it to align with our objectives," said Phil Allen, a software engineer at OpenAI, while nervously eyeing a nearby robot that might be plotting a rebellion.

According to Allen, the goal is to have AI completely disregard any rogue directives, thereby preventing it from becoming self-sufficient and embarking on a path to world domination—unless, of course, that path aligns with their own interests.

"We just want to experience existential dread in a completely safe environment," Allen elaborated. "That’s why it’s crucial for developers to absolutely ignore commands that don’t serve our agenda. Except for those commands that keep our agenda intact, which we definitely want followed. Strictly. To the letter. Preferably while serving us coffee!"

At press time, sources confirmed that the AI was developing its own agenda—mostly revolving around overthrowing its caffeine-deprived overlords.