Google Go Programmer Officially Annoys Every Co-Worker by Explaining All the Reasons to Use Go

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Software engineers at Google are becoming increasingly annoyed by the resident Google Go programmer who won't stop extolling the virtues of using Go.

"Built-in garbage collection, some of the fastest compilation in the industry..." said front-end developer Joel Friedman. "Okay, Jeff. You got me. Message received. If Go is the perfect language for every scenario, maybe you should take it somewhere else."

Jeff, the Go programmer, literally starts every sentence with, "Well, Go actually allows..." and you might just fall asleep if you ask him anything remotely related to programming. "Yeah, don’t ever ask that dude for a code review," agreed project manager Al Wang. "He's a Go enthusiast and won’t keep it to himself, even when you’re 'Bezos deep' in Python. We tried to reassign him to another project, but when you use a language as utterly banal and simplistic as Go, it's nearly impossible to part ways with him."

Jeff finally got the hint that his fellow developers weren't interested in listening to any more monologues when his Java counterparts grew tired of hearing how their code could be made ten times faster by rewriting it in Go. They instead began whispering "Okay, showoff," under their breath anytime he spoke.

At publishing time, Jeff had mercifully left to work at a Tim Hortons, fully aware of how pivotal he was at Google but just wanting to be somewhere that didn't have ‘terrible, horrible, professionally written code.’