Console Gamers Excited About Getting Even Console-Eyer Games With New PS5 Pro

SAN MATEO, CA — Sony has unveiled a new version of the PlayStation 5 console, promising gamers who choose to purchase the new unit an even more "console-eyer" gaming experience.

The new PS5 Pro is just like the old console, but a little more so, said longtime PlayStation lead designer and sooth-voiced angel in human form, Mark Cerny. "Gamers have rejoiced at the console-eyness of previous PlayStation entries, but the PS5 Pro will have a console-ey level never before seen," said Cerny. "It's like a PlayStation 5 Pro."

Though it will be practically visually indistinguishable from the original PS5 (aside from the addition of a cynical "Pro" moniker to the nameplate), the new model will boast upgraded performance and cooled-down fanboys' excitement for the advancement of graphical power. "This is a major step forward for PS5 gaming," Cerny continued. "It's like a PS5, but it's pro.

"Now, you can revisit some of your favorite games to see just how much more PlayStation 5 Pro they look than before."

According to sources, the console will officially be released in November to mark the three-year anniversary of Black Friday in 2020 when no one's shopping carts refreshing on websites worked.

At publishing time, Nintendo wanted it on record that their new Nintendo Switch Pro will be even Nintendo Switch-eyer.