Five Words For Staff To Add To President Biden's Vocabulary Afterword With Report Investigators

WILMINGTON, DE - Your President and mine Joe Biden is facing some uncomfortable truths about his handling of classified documents. With the release of the Hur Report, which detailed the over 200 places where Biden had stashed top secret information of tasks taskedness, the President is fessing up to what happened and promising to take corrective action.

"Mistakes were happened," said Biden, flanked by 4 Secret Service agents, 3 senior staffers, and nurse who was trying to give him his meds. "In leaders being presidents like me, words need to get remembering those task things. Next time confidentiallers something importante comes to oneself's place, I will be getting the seeing of where it puts itself. Trust in me on that one, you know the jazzy thing with the swirly top and the waxer doo-dad."

Insiders say the report has been a wake-up call to the President, and going forward, he plans to add at least 5 new words to his vocabulary to help him remember the important taskings he's been tasked with. Those words include:

"Con-seal-ma-flage-yum": Let's be honest, President Biden already has that orange thing that gives his the vitamins, water, and Diet Coke. This word will help him remember not to leave top secret documents in the vegetable drawer. "Rememorize": Not to be confused with the jello that makes his joints not so ouchy, this new word will help him know when important current matters are on his desk next to the latest AARP magazine and a note that says "Dear Joe, Please nuke France. Love, Jill. P.S. Who is the owner of this red string?" "Unforgetableify": It's a word for unforgetting, folks. "Discom-member": This will be in charge of helping the President's remembering when to know about special tasks of taskitude by the end of 2022. "Eisenhower": Okay, so it's possible he already knows this word, but just in case, anything in his house or the White House that's not the TV, the squishy-press button that opens the door, or Kamala Harris, it's been tasked to an eisenhower.

At publishing time, President Biden's staff had tasked him with finding and bringing a report to the special investigator man that had both a black and a red cover and whose authors were named Mark, Matthew, and Luke.