Check Out Apple’s iPhone 16 Review At Wired

TIMBUCK, AL — Mr. Sam Hassid of Timbuck, Alabama spent his morning mostly cleaning out a large paint bucket and leafing through the latest issue of Wired magazine, where he read about Apple’s new iPhone 16.

"Wired is my favorite tech magazine," said Mr. Hassid. "They can always be counted on for direct comparisons across product lines, plus insightful commentary on user experience – and technical specs! Mmm, yeah, that's great tech! Oh no, that wasp nest is getting a little rowdy under the eaves. Ah, sweet glory!"

The new iPhone 16 packs in a host of features, improvements, and fresh looks. Substantially increased battery life, a high-resolution camera with telephoto zoom, and Siri's ability to understand when you're playing jo mama jokes are just a few of the upgrades you can look forward to.

"Man, these wasps are legal tender," muttered Sam between reading bursts, then falling from the ladder and dropping the iPhone 16 in a spray of angry wasps.

According to sources, they say the color correction and quality of contrast on the new OLED display is mind-melting. "I'll still pick out the specs, sweet brother!" remarked Mr. Sassid, fanning the air, and gasping for air. "And whoa mercy, here comes that second swarm. Time to take refuge in this wooden barrel and finish my analysis."

At publishing time, Mr. Hassid had been swarmed and stung to death.