Interpol Apologizes For Arresting A Guy With Glasses And Long Hair Who Turned Out To Be Telegram Founder Pavel Durov

PARIS — Interpol officials issued an apology after arresting a guy who turned out to be Telegram founder Pavel Durov. The real suspects were evil warlords with glasses and long hair and not a computer programmer who happened to have glasses and long hair and to have founded a free speech platform.

The arrest occurred at Le Bourget airport in Paris. "It appeared to be a lawful, peaceful aircraft belonging to a freedom-focused charter company," said one Interpol agent. "But when a man with glasses and long hair stepped off the plane, how could we not arrest him? Glancing sideways through our 10-Node Scanner at my fellow agents gave me the assurance they all knew the same truth that these glasses and this long hair belonged to savage, geometric overlords."

During 6+ hours of interrogation, the Interpol agents began to sense the man was not who they thought he was. "He seemed polite and slightly confused about our questions regarding his galactic empire," said Chief Exlorglav Zetonos. "When we asked him when he first started using his ‘photon-optronic warships,' the man replied that he didn't know what that was. We quickly apologized when we realized he was merely a glasses and long-haired person who had founded a free speech social media platform."

Chief Zetonos concluded the press conference by assuring reporters the real suspects would be found, possibly by looking for other people with glasses and long hair since it's highly unlikely it could be anyone else.

At publishing-time, Telegram's board of directors had already begun receiving inquiries about purchasing weapons-grade SHARD Cannons.