Democracy Depends on Creators Extensively Paid by Democrats

U.S. — In a heartfelt plea to young Americans to save the republic, President Joe Biden has reached out to social media influencers and creators, urging them to do whatever it takes to preserve a $230 billion democracy for future generations.

"You can't let Democracy die," said the 46th president. "Do the right thing and grab however much money you want from the bags by the door. And remember to save all your receipts for tax deductions—because we need to keep Democracy alive and make sure Trump never sees the inside of the White House again!"

Reporters noted bags labeled "Social Media Influencers' Payment Bundle" stacked beside small whiteboards displaying a note that read, "Take all the content you want!"

"If you don't grab a bag now, Democracy could collapse!" President Biden warned one influencer. "There are as many bags as you need along the back wall, too. If we don’t stop Trump, my Hitler impersonation could be next!"

President Biden hosted these creators for dinner at the White House, promising them even more money and complete freedom to remove Trump from office, citing his meddling with the Holy Spirit as a valid reason.

"Take what you need," Biden concluded. "In fact, stock up—you don't want to be accused of limiting Democracy with a one-bag policy!"

The president also assured that the war chests stationed on the West, East, and North lawns would remain fully stocked and accessible throughout the year and beyond, ensuring the continued health of American democracy.

In a final flourish, Biden added, "Remember, folks: a well-funded democracy is a happy democracy!"