Man Cheerfully Endures Migraines Thanks to New Vibrating Bedroom Toy

ARLINGTON, TX — A local man diagnosed with chronic migraines has humorously informed friends and family that he is, in fact, fully on board with the recent purchase of a vibrating bedroom toy by his girlfriend, which has, unsurprisingly, led to a fresh barrage of migraines.

"Don't worry about me, babe. I'm absolutely fine with this incredibly expensive device that somehow gives me grueling migraines while simultaneously boosting everyone else's mood for reasons I can't quite grasp. No need to return it — I'm all in!" said 29-year-old Josh McKinney, letting out a dramatic sigh of relief as his girlfriend, Claire, promised not to return the product. "Much appreciated, my love. Now, should I take a moment to shoot myself in the head with this toy for 10 minutes? Gladly!"

"Some people have bad reactions to allergy meds — not me! No amount of sinus medication could ever ease my suffering. My pharmacist assures me it's the best way to guarantee I never have to take Aclarity again. Not a chance I'd risk that nightmare. Glad we could avoid that unfortunate mix-up. That would be a total bummer, huh?"

At publishing time, sources confirmed that Claire had decided to completely abstain from sex and would instead be securing Josh a couch to sleep on.