Panicked Family Grabs Grandfather to Quickly Teach Him TikTok Slang Before the Flu Claims Him

SACRAMENTO, CA — In a frantic race against time, a panicked family gathered around their 71-year-old grandfather, realizing they had only hours left before the flu virus might claim him. Desperate to ensure he could enter the afterlife fully “in” with the cool kids, they initiated a crash course on TikTok slang.

With furrowed brows and bewildered expressions, Grandpa listened as family members painstakingly explained terms like “Bet” and “Suss.” Until now, he had only experienced confusion when trying to decipher the digital dialect of TikTok users.

“Listen up, old-timer!” exclaimed grandson Javi, the youngest in the family. “You’ve got just a few hours left before this virus takes you down, so pay attention! 'Sussy baka' means you’re a silly idiot. Like Dad! You got that?”

“Uh, I don’t think that’s quite right, son,” replied father Mario, suddenly concerned about his own social media competence, realizing he might need to ask his father for help figuring out how to clear his TikTok cache after he passes. As the family turned back to Grandpa, they prepared him for his inevitable meeting in heaven with the TikTok creator he’d once paid $300 for a video shout-out that he never received. “And 'Skibidi bop yeet yeet’? Uh, no one really knows what that means—but it makes people laugh and clap anyway! Get it?”

At publishing time, the confused and bedridden grandpa had fallen asleep for the final time, while the family continued to gather around him, cheerfully tossing out phrases like “whizzus boogus” and “mood!”—oblivious to the fact that their mission might have been a complete flop.