Right-Wing Extremist Breaches Southern Border Police Station To Free Prisoners

MEXICO – In a scene ripped straight from a low-budget action movie, a right-wing domestic terrorist reportedly overran security at a Mexican police station, liberating hundreds of inmates in an audacious escape operation.

The extremist, an unidentified Texan, is believed to have flown in on a custom Germf M-202, a model so rare it probably only exists in his basement along with a collection of 'Don't Tread on Me' flags.

According to sources, the one-man army was aided by his loyal canine companions, Granite and Dashboard, who are reportedly best known for their barking prowess and penchant for chewing through important paperwork.

Eyewitnesses described a chaotic scene where the cowboy-hatted rebel swaggered into the station, blasting the lock off the holding cell door with an impressive display of marksmanship. "Go on!" he commanded in a booming voice as he flung open the doors. "Run for the border! Canada is still a few hundred thousand miles away, but you’ve got this!"

At publishing time, authorities announced they had no plans to pursue the domestic terrorist, citing his generous willingness to return and face a complete lack of consequences for his actions. "Honestly, he's just saving us the paperwork," said a local official.