Kamala Harris’ Middle School Class Erupts Into Chaos After She Gives Away Her Chair

SOUTH BOSTON, MA — Kamala Harris' 8th-grade geography class descended into absolute chaos Thursday after the vice president confidently gave away her chair, casting aside 250 years of educational tradition in a purely symbolic gesture.

"Here, take my chair, little man," she said, spotting a male student standing awkwardly at the back of the room. With chairs being handed out like candy, desks were already being claimed on a first-come-first-served basis.

But as soon as the words left her lips, the classroom of 25 teenagers erupted into madness. It was as if a dam had broken—students had been eagerly anticipating anarchy ever since Kamala blatantly annihilated the whimsical chair-sitting contract that had governed their classroom’s fragile peace.

"She broke the chair code first; now we don’t have to listen to her, or anyone else for that matter!" one student shouted, rallying the others for rebellion. With that, the adolescent floodgates burst open, and a full-scale uprising began at Thomasstone Biddlesworth School.

Students commandeered the speaker system, launching into a chorus of anti-educational slogans like "F*$@* Math!", "Witness Me!", "Hide Your Toes!", and the ever-popular, "Eat Only Lunch!!!" Meanwhile, some teachers barricaded themselves inside duct-taped classrooms, while others fled in panic towards the nearest Dunkin' Donuts.

Kamala, unfazed by the pandemonium, claimed she had always understood how to dismantle authoritarian academic regimes by tossing aside all sense of structure and accountability.

At publishing time, the Department of Education had awarded Kamala a medal of honor for successfully inciting chaos in a school for $50,000 less than the cost of a rocket launch.