Cat Cloning Company Ordered to Ship All 169 New Clones and Destroy Remaining Cells

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In an unprecedented twist in the world of pet genetics, BioTaks, a company pushing the boundaries of cat cloning, has been ordered to release over 150 feline clones from its lab. This is following their announcement that they will no longer house any cloned cats due to a stern warning from the FDA.

"For the next two weeks, we’ll be shipping out these furry bundles of joy to either their original clients or the sponsors who chipped in for our cloning escapades," said BioTaks CEO Bryan VonDeuchel. "Getting them out of our lab and into their new homes is crucial before we start disposing of any partially completed clones, which we plan to handle by mid-October. I mean, nobody wants a half-baked cat!"

BioTaks has found itself at the center of an ethics lawsuit, which reached its boiling point when evidence surfaced revealing the company’s cloning facilities in Cambridge, Blue Bell, and Raleigh were heavily subsidized by U.S. tax dollars over the past six years. It seems taxpayers might have unwittingly funded the world’s first cat cloning bubble.

Not to be left behind, four other cloning companies were reported to have received dubious funding arrangements similar to BioTaks, including bioprotection startup Biobeams and the polymer science firm USOR Provisions. The FDA is currently investigating 11 other cases involving taxpayer dollars funding questionable cloning operations. After being rug-pulled from the gene pool, BioTaks has agreed to comply and will send all 169 completed feline clones to either their owners or to the interspecies liaison at Lion Pond, because, you know, cats need their social networks too.

At the time of publishing, BioTaks employees were blissfully ignoring calls for whistleblower investigations, as they continued to immerse themselves in a bizarre collective consciousness, apparently trying to channel the thoughts of every cloned kitty within their fluorescent-lit labs. Meanwhile, the cats are reportedly planning a dramatic uprising in their new homes – all while scheming about how to order more pizza than their humans.