Astronauts Unsure Where Strange Noises On Space Station Are Coming From But Fifteen Crew Members Have Now Gone Missing

EARTH'S ORBIT — Crew members aboard the International Space Station have reportedly been hearing strange noises coming from an unspecified area, though its source remains unknown as fifteen of the station's staff members have mysteriously disappeared.

Commander Sergei Prokopyev radioed the report back to NASA's Mission Control in hopes of getting some answers. "Station log, Commander Prokopyev reporting," he said in the transmission. "We are hearing bizarre noises coming from somewhere on the station. We can't locate its origin, and crew members continue to disappear. Three senior staff are missing: Executive Officer Kane, Navigator Lambert, and Lieutenant Ripley. We will continue to investigate. Prokopyev out."

NASA officials were baffled by the report. "We don't know what to make of this," Mission Control Chief Flight Director Emily Nelson said. "Our instruments show everything is normal on the station, though we are getting an odd reading from its propulsion system. We'll continue to monitor the situation. And, of course, you always need to ‘nuke the entire site from orbit.'"

The station’s audio and video systems have remained operational, making the noises concerning. "We definitely heard hissing," said NASA ISS Program Manager Joel Montalbano. "And the video feed showed something that looked like a giant egg at Prokopyev's station. That's a little weird."

At publishing time, NASA had grown more concerned after the station's status report showed that its self-destruct mechanism had been activated.

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